If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
