It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
