I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She announced her abortion via fbk
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize