im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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