I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
