booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
