If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
