For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
