I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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