Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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