Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My liver is preforming stress tests.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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