i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
