Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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