and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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