chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
