The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
