Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
