1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
