for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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