I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
