I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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