There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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