Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
