dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
