Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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