Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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