so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
