Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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