Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You're a waste of cheezeits
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize