So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
