she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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