I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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