ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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