Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
