How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize