He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
