I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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