Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
