Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
