Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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