she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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