remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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