dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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