we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
