you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I need a burrito and a hug.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Randomize
