the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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