Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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