My cat gives me a boner
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
