Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
