she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She's the barista slut.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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