party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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