I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
