there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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