At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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