Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
