Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
