the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
