Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Randomize
