so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You are a genius and a whore.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
