The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
