what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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