Need sex. Gaining weight.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
