Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
