Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
