i don't plan on having that self control this summer
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
