At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
